Yesterday was quite lovely. I had a crafting date with Greta, and we met at her house to get to work on some Zines that we've been brainstorming. We'd already started a ROC City zine, but we were really excited to get started on a menstruation theme. After a whole afternoon of yerba mate, storytelling, and rants, we turned out a couple of great pages. I wrote a page about different sorts of cups, like the Diva Cup, Moon Cup and Keeper. Greta will write one about Instead, and we'll have a DIY page for making pads, and also provide info about products like Glad Rags and Party In My Pants. These are fantastic alternatives to disposable feminine products, and many many women have never heard of them! I use a Keeper, and I like that it is natural rubber, but if I could go back I would probably invest in a Moon Cup. They are easier to work with and are probably just as safe.
Greta also has been working on a page for men about the experience of Catcalling, and why men should never do it again, ever. She, I think, has a particularly hard time with it because she looks younger, she has beautiful blond hair and she is often on her bike, on foot, or on the bus. She also works in a coffee shop where creeps like to hit on her and feel entitled to her attentions. All that said, we've both been pretty stumped about how exactly to approach a page directed at men, one that will actually make them think, and then completely change their ways. And I'm not sure we can accomplish that in a Zine.
However, Adam and I went to dinner last night with a very good friend, Jenna, who happens to be the most intelligent person I know on the topics of feminism, ending oppression for all beings and effective activism. I presented our conundrum, and we had a fantastic conversation that was really illuminating for me. Basically, it seems that most men who have the practice of catcalling deeply ingrained in them will never understand the fear and trauma that they inflict on their targets. Unless the patriarchal system is completely overturned, it will never make sense to them it is WRONG. On the other hand, there are men who are not deeply attached to the practice, but only do it as a form of male bonding or because they interpret their actions as a form of flattery. Both, I believe, are reversible. And here is where my brainstorm starts brewing:
Catcalling is based on the premise that men feel comfortable being the first to speak, and are empowered further when they can say anything they want and get little to no response. They can say dirty things to complete strangers, and they might get only a scowl or glare in return. Sometimes they'll even get a smile. The problem is, women do not live in a world where they can approach or say anything to a stranger (unless is it a motherly type who can tell you what time it is or if the #24 bus has been by). Women cannot smile at any man for fear of initiating more than a simple hello. And if spoken to, most women are terrified that if they express their displeasure in being objectified or threatened, they will be followed, harassed, or worse. This is NOT rare. I think I could talk to any woman I know, from age 11 to 65, and she will have a slew of stories to tell about times when she felt physically and emotionally threatened by being spoken to or looked at in inappropriate ways by men. I personally took the bus and Monday and counted no fewer than 12 stares, honks, comments, etc. It didn't matter that I had a scarf wrapped tightly up to my eyes and a hat pulled down past my eyebrows. It is not because they like what they see...it is because they have power and they have the freedom to exercise it. And it has to stop.
Most women will say they feel powerless when men make comments, even in personal situations. Jenna and I discussed the fact that many men are socialized into a sort of script that provides them with an array of comments they can make and actions (e.g. check out a woman's ass, look at her up and down, etc.) they can take when presented with an attractive female. Their friends, fathers, cousins, uncles, etc. teach them exactly what they should do. And many men are not taught this! Hallelujah! So many men are taught to just say a polite hello, glancing quickly at a stranger's eyes and then right back in front of them. I would LOVE it if I could say "hi" to everyone I pass on the street and not feel like I'm encouraging men's attentions.
So what do we do about all of this?
I think it would be useful to create a zine that breaks the silence around catcalling and other forms of sexual harassment. Just as men have a culture that teaches them how to exert their power over women, we need a culture among women that supports their right to safety and encourages women to teach each other how to speak out. I'm still working out ideas, but I think this is an important issue for women in Rochester and hopefully we will get the word out to them. Making some spaghetti now, so I've gotta run.
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