Tuesday, December 27, 2011

our commitment ceremony



Last Friday, Adam and I went to City Hall to sign our domestic partnership agreement. In Rochester, you can register with the city as a domestic partnership if you have lived together for at least 6 months and if you state that you are codependent physically, emotionally and financially, and that you are not married to or in partnership with another person. It's the kind of thing we can get behind, because it does not discriminate against same-sex or platonic relationships. Most people use a domestic partnership license to qualify for benefits. However, the UR does not recognize domestic partnerships as legitimate relationships for benefits, which is a whole different story. For more information specifically about the UR policy, check out this story from the City Newspaper: http://bit.ly/rBbBy6

I thought I'd celebrate our "official" registry with the city of Rochester by posting a few photos from our ceremony. It was a truly lovely day and I will be working on a story to submit to one of the major wedding blogs to do some advocacy about alternatives to marriage and how to do a ceremony that is true to your values.

It was important to us to be together before the ceremony, so we all hung out in the dressing room together
We told stories about our relationship during the ceremony...

...and I cried... :)
Creating our own ceremony took a lot of time and a lot of thought. Sharing our beliefs in front of our family felt intimate and vulnerable, but it also felt authentic, personal and liberating. We were honest about our intentions for our commitment to each other, and we established with our loved ones how we want our partnership to be treated.

Betsy, my sister, read the poem "i carry your heart" by e.e. cummings and we asked everyone to come up to leave their fingerprint on artwork created by Betsy and Jen, my sister-in-law. The artwork has the last stanza of the poem written next to the "tree of life". 
My three-month-old nephew, Luke, used his little toe! And loved it!


We sang "Feelin' Groovy" by Simon & Garfunkel and "The Rainbow Connection". Also, Charlie, my brother-in-law, played an instrumental version of "Imagine" by John Lennon for the prelude. It was important for us to have UU-like songs, but since we are not frequent church-goers, and none of our family is Unitarian Universalist, we chose songs that were well-known but that had special meaning to us for our ceremony.


We had a bike procession take us from the church to our home for the reception. I rode on Adam's Xtracycle and we enjoyed the honks and congratulations from motorists and pedestrians as we made our way home. It was really important for us to get around on bikes since we depend on them and it is a key part of our partnership. And it was super fun to get others involved in the procession. 
Adam is a graphic designer and he designed our invitations, our program and our menu for the reception. Charlie played the piano for the entire ceremony (with only days to rehearse since we decided on the songs at the last minute). Betsy and Jen created the artwork, which was really crucial to our ceremony. Our friend and fellow vegan, Wendy, took beautiful photos and spent the whole day with us. My mother cleaned our entire house, top to bottom, in preparation for our at-home reception. Jen and Stephen, my brother, helped me create the flower arrangements. Adam's parents hosted a lovely vegan barbecue at their home the night before the ceremony, giving all of us an opportunity to mingle and socialize at their beautiful home. Claire, my friend and wine go-to girl, recommended the champagne. My sister managed to get divine vegan cupcakes for us at the last minute, and our friend Matthew arranged the pick-up of all the food for the reception. At the end of the day, we were playing music, singing songs and dancing with babies, barefoot in the backyard. It was everything we wanted from a celebration, and so much more. I love reminiscing about the day and thinking about how much our community contributed to making it memorable. 

More pictures to come, if I can just get all 800 of them uploaded...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

trying new things

Tonight, I discovered an adorable street in downtown Rochester, and I was so taken with it I still haven't stopped thinking about it. 

Adam stopped by his parents' house after work today to hang out with his brother. Knowing I was on my own for a few hours, I started scheming a plan to get take-out at my favorite restaurant in Rochester--Abyssinia. They have delicious Ethiopian food and I literally think about eating it every day. It takes quite a bit of willpower to wait at least a week before going there again. This evening was different, though, because I have never gotten it to go. 

My scheming made me a little nervous. I wasn't sure I had enough time to catch my bus home from downtown. That alone was almost reason enough for me to nix the plan, but as Adam wrote to me, and I thought to myself, you only live once.

So there I was, on a mid-week after work adventure, alone in my new heeled boots, feeling young, inspired and invigorated by doing something new. I got off at Main & Gibbs, a common stop for me, where I sometimes head south to Java's for a soy Kashmiri chai tea in the morning. This time, however, I had to go north, and I had never done that before! I've been to Abyssinia a dozen times, and I've been to Java's scores of times, but I had never once gone down the one block that separates the two. I was almost nervous, not sure if it might be one of those streets that suddenly turns shady and there's nothing to do but just keep going.

But oh my goodness, what a beautiful little street. Adorable, lovely, peaceful apartments, with brownstone facades, cheerful house numbers, plants in windows, and tenants passionately practicing the violin in dimly lit, second floor flats. It reminded me of an historic neighborhood in DC or a Chicago, with creaky doors, short street lamps and steep steps leading to grand public entrances to apartments. 

This evening, curiously, was almost balmy in an eerily un-December-like way. A passing rain storm left the sidewalks damp and shining, and the Christmas lights hung in trees lining the street sparkled in a cheerful, laughing way. 

My heels made a satisfying, deep thump as I made my way down this charming, almost nostalgic street. I immediately took to imagining a new life in one of the third floor flats, with the Eastman school graduate student working on her cello solo down the hall, the barista collecting her mail from the dimly lit entry way as we say good morning and I head down the street to Java's for a latte before catching my bus to work. Imagine, living a block from Abyssinia, ordering in once a week, before walking down to the symphony for a Tuesday night performance. It's even a block from the YMCA, where I could actually do some weight-lifting, swimming and running in the cold winter months. 

It's nights like these that remind me of who I am. Although it makes me painfully aware of the privilege I enjoy in my place in this world, I do truly enjoy the comfort of a coffee shop espresso, the glittering lights of the theater, the romance of a swanky downtown apartment, and the instant gratification of delicious take out. 

I stepped into an empty Abyssinia and waited a few moments for them to bring me my dinner, the lustful inspiration of this night's adventure. It was almost disappointing, only because I felt so satisfied by my discovery of this little gem called Gibbs street, I could have called it a night without the precious oil-and-spice soaked injera and lentils. 

I even had enough time to stop into Java's to buy a bag of their loose-leaf Kashmiri chai tea. I smiled at the bustle of art and music students, young talent bursting with creativity in a dark cafe, fashionable young professionals getting double espressos before the night's musical performance and moody baristas looking bored as they pull shots and artfully foam milk. "Sleigh Ride" spiritedly electrified the ambiance as we nudge closer to Christmas. And to think, I almost didn't stop for fear of missing a bus home. 

What other adventures are waiting for me to just catch the next one instead...?