compassion: reprise.

December's theme at my church is, of course, Compassion. Of course, because what better time to be compassionate than the holidays, when we are compelled to reunite with family and to help those less fortunate during this time of celebration. I already wrote an entry with this theme, but I will be taking this in a different direction--or at least I think I will. It's difficult to keep from weaving the issue of mercy for animals and the generic idea of compassion, since animal rights activists and theorists view veganism and fighting for animal welfare as the most "compassionate" way of life. However, as the guiding questions explain, our church is more interested in personal compassion. The one homework assignment is as follows:

Find a way to be more compassionate with yourself. Do at least one compassionate act for yourself.

I suppose in order to allow us to dig deeper into this assignment, they include four "core" questions. These are:
1. What idol is undermining your compassion?
2. How are you called to be a person of compassion right now?
3. What were you taught about compassion while growing up?
4. What was it like to allow the whole world into your lungs?

There is more explanation for each of these included. For example, "idolatry" can mean racism, nationalism, Republicanism, consumerism, etc. And sometimes we spend a lot of time being angry about these things instead of holding people with these values with compassion. So it's more like, what is getting in the way of you treating all beings with compassion? The last question is in reference to a Loving Kindness Meditation included in our packet. This meditation is a Buddhist practice of holding individuals and the whole world in our hearts as we work to spend more of our lives regarding the world with loving-kindness. I haven't done it yet, but hopefully I'll have some time to reflect before my next Soul Matters group.

Initially, I know that this work is going to be a little hard for me, since I generally am least compassionate with myself. I tend not to forgive myself for missteps, and I allow myself to feel guilty of, unworthy of and belittled by my life's choices. It's sometimes hard to be kind to myself when all I want is to do the best I can. And when I feel like I'm not doing all I can do, I feel like a failure. Of course I've recognized this over the years, usually because my mom pointed it out, and I've worked toward forgiving myself and giving myself time and space to accomplish what I want. But in the back of my head I feel like forgiving myself is just a cop-out for not finishing what I set out to do. No matter what I do, even if I tell myself that the work I do is important, it is not enough.

There is a lot of material to read in the packet, so before I go further in my reflection, I'll read through that.

In an important related note, I've started going to yoga regularly and that is a great place for me to find out where I am punishing or pushing myself too hard. Whether mentally or physically, yoga is a space where you can't hide from yourself for long. It's better just to open your heart, mind and body and let things flow through you, rather than fight the demons. Yes, I think yoga and compassion go nicely together...