Hospitality

I am in a "Soul Matters" group at my church where I meet with a small group to talk about personal, spiritual and universal topics. I joined this group through my "Starting Point" class, which is what made me decide to join First Unitarian of Rochester. Every month, our church focuses on a different topic, which is tied together by a yearly theme. This year's theme is UU values. Some people, even members of UU churches, are under the impression that, in Unitarian Universalism, you can believe whatever you want to believe. Not so. We are tied together by a collection of values that embody our faith in each other and in the time we spend on this earth. So our first topic for September is "Hospitality." For our homecoming service, everyone is supposed to have reflected on something that they need to "welcome in" to their lives, and then bring a symbol of that gift of grace that comes from being open. And in our Soul Matters group, we will have a chance to talk about that symbol and the process of searching for that "thing" to welcome in.

I've thought about this off and on throughout the summer, without ever seriously considering it. But now, as the deadline closes in, I've realized a very obvious "stranger" that I need to begin to welcome in. It's family.

Since I went to college, family has been a somewhat abstract connection to the life I had before I began to travel and transform my life. I went to college close to home, so it seems like I would have remained close with my family, but that's not the case. I talked to my mom on the phone every couple of weeks and to my dad even less. I went home to East Lansing to hang out with friends, go to Hilaire's yoga classes and shop at Barnes & Noble and Urban Outfitters. I saw my mom whenever I went home, and at holidays my whole family would convene for Catholic mass, family dinners and short sessions of "catching up". And then it was off to my next adventure.

In between summer vacation and Christmas, I was traveling to Puerto Rico, Spain and California. I met hundreds of people along the way, made lasting friendships and met curious and fascinating people that dissolved from my life as quickly as they appeared. I had two Spanish families and a "mama Morocco", a college family, a study abroad family, and various other groups of friends that kept me busy. After a year of living abroad, I stopped relying so much on phone conversations and more on myself. It's just how I finished growing up.

What made me realize that it was time to bring family back into my life was thinking about my newborn nephew, Teddy. I have seen pictures of him and even heard him over the phone, but I have yet to see him. He is nearly four weeks old, and I won't see him until he is more than 6 weeks old. And that makes me sad, and disappointed. I don't like that it takes more than a quick drive to see my nephew, and that my mom only comes to visit once a year. There are a lot of factors that make it more difficult than it has to be. I don't have my own car, and I don't have a lot of extra money to spend on plane or train tickets. But it shouldn't be this hard.

Something that has been bothering me consistently is how distant I feel from my brother and how, even though he has a new son, it's not that strange that I haven't called him in weeks. I never sent them a card and I haven't talked to his wife, my sister-in-law, at all. I just feel disconnected. And yet Teddy is my nephew, and I have the privilege of being a very important person in his life. I don't want to be distant from him, to never know much about him or to miss him growing up. There is an obvious connection, though, between how I am involved in his new life and how I have been involved in Patrick's life. Just because he has a son does not mean we are suddenly the best of friends, talk all the time and know everything about each other. And I don't ever see that happening. But I think that I can't be surprised that I am physically and figuratively distant from his birth and start of life.

I talked to my mom on the phone today, and I kept thinking that I had been meaning to call her for weeks now. I haven't talked to Stephen on the phone in a long time, and I hardly even see Betsy, even though I live with her! I get so wrapped up in my own life that I never think to call and catch up with my family. I love all of them and am so happy that they are all doing so well, but it's hard staying in touch with all of them.

I plan on bringing a photo of Teddy to church, a symbol of the gift of family and babies and new beginnings. He is a reminder that family is a gift of grace, and needs constant attention and participation to truly enjoy. Babies are good reminders.