Response: Open Letter to Motorists

I sometimes forget these things can really get out there into the interwebs, and it's left for others' interpretation. I received a few comments in reaction to my "enough is enough" post regarding motorists' treatment of non-motorists, and some things were inferred that I thought I could explain a bit more. This is not to be interpreted as lashing out against criticism of my feelings, but rather a way to be better heard regarding my specific objections to being asked every day, "Did you ride your bike?"

I should have mentioned in my post, Open Letter to Motorists, that I used to work with a woman who also biked to work, but for completely different reasons than why I do. For her, it was about fitness and staying in shape for competitions. She had a car and children and I think she asked me sometimes to guilt trip herself when she didn't ride, or to make herself feel better if she rode and I didn't. I really despised the competition and having to "admit" my choice [daily] when sometimes there is a very complicated decision-making process ("Am I meeting someone after work who has a car and no bike rack? Do I need to bring in awkwardly shaped objects to work? Do I need to get groceries on the way home? Am I leaving straight from work to catch a plane or go on a roadtrip? Is it too icy to bike?") No one wants to hear about those details, they just want a simple yes or no, did you ride your bike? But I want to know, "Why do you care?"

I understand that most people are just trying to think of something to say to me, to make polite conversation, but it is very hurtful when something so important to me is reduced to a yes or no. When they use my means of transportation as a way to demean me, by assuming that my experience must be awful on some days, even if quite pleasant on others. It is even more hurtful when people put down riding the bus. It is not glamorous, of course, but it is also a statement, of equal importance to riding a bike in my mind, of my commitment to safe, environmentally-friendly and progressive transportation. But from the looks on people's faces, and the way it stops the conversation, it indicates that I am poor or lazy. And who would want to spend all that time downtown...where the black people are. I'm being sarcastic, of course.

My problem is not that people ask me questions, it's that they ask questions to demean me. You may think that I'm overreacting or misunderstanding them, but when you get questioned day after day with the same responses and comments, you begin to sense a pattern. It is the same with my veganism. People automatically default to extremely negative reactions, "Oh, sorry, you can't have that" or "I had some [insert dead animal] last night...Oh, sorry, you don't eat that." "Where do you get your protein?" "I could never give up cheese, it's just too delicious." All of these things seem harmless, but they are in fact negative evaluations of my choices, which, by the way, make me blissfully happy apart from the negativity I receive from other people. The point is, you can be lazy about making conversation with me, but pick something that doesn't bring in our diverging ethical beliefs on a wintry Friday morning. No one thinks they are being rude, because they are in the majority.

My partner also rides his bike or the bus to work, and is vegan, and experiences the same interactions, though sometimes worse (I work in a community health department, so people tend to be more accepting of my "lifestyle" than they are at my partner's corporate media company). On the day I wrote the previous post, he and I were tied for 3 comments about riding our bikes in the winter weather by 10 AM.

I actually feel this way nearly every day, and yes, I decided to just write about it because it doesn't do much good complaining to Adam night after night about the idiot things people say, mindlessly, to me about things I care very much about. I have story upon story of outrageous things people have said to me, but what gets to me is that they don't want to have a conversation. They want to say something mindlessly and not have it mean anything. And I just think that's wrong. I don't care if this is an office and we're in cubicles. Don't ask about people's lifestyle choices if you don't want to talk about them. Don't bring up my ethical values and then treat them as if they aren't ethical. Don't disrespect my choices by talking about how miserable I must be making them. As I said in the end of my post, I continue to talk to people politely, racking my brain for constructive responses to their questions, a way to dig a little deeper with them, but they don't want to think about it. They don't like it when they say "Be careful on your ride home" and I say "You too" because that puts the onus on them, and they don't want to be responsible for my safety.

Sometimes people who are endlessly nice to others who don't deserve it need a place to debrief that isn't their kitchen.