breadmaking.

One of the things I have been doing to stay active while I search for a job is--and this is so cliche--bake. I've never really been much of a baker, since I don't like following recipes, but lately I've had such a sweet tooth, and I don't feel like bundling up to get some store-bought overly-processed cookies. Since I've been unemployed, I've made several wonderful batches of snickerdoodles, ginger cookies, scones, and even coconut cupcakes and shortbread. I've also made more than a couple of delicious loaves of bread, including French baguettes. I made those today, and they are delicious! The catch is that once you have some fresh out of the oven, the cooled bread just doesn't taste as great. And Adam surely can't get enough!

Anyway, I'm glad that I've had this time to get to know baking, and, especially, to make some delicious vegan treats that people simply adore. Brianne told me that the ginger cookies were hands-down the best vegan cookies she's ever had, and Charlie said that the coconut cupcakes were perfectly moist. I'm very proud to share these cruelty-free treats, and to have them enjoyed by all!

Baking bread used to be a mystery to me. The power of yeast seemed to be nearly godlike, having the ability to turn water and flour into gooey, expanding, airy dough. My mom used to put her bread dough in her KitchenAid mixing bowl with a towel over it in the front of our minivan to rise. It was pure magic. "Learn to bake bread" appears on my List of Things To Do alongside "Learn French" and "Hike to Machu Picchu". It's THAT huge for me. I feel that when I'm kneading dough, I'm connecting with millions of women over centuries and millennia who have mastered this art of nourishment. If I have nothing else in the house, at least I have a few cups of flour, a tablespoon of yeast and some salt, sugar and oil if need be.

I happened to have that same sensation of connecting with women when, in the backcountry, I would wash my clothes on the rocks in the cold river. Nothing makes you feel more indigenous than standing naked in the rushing water, rinsing the dirt from your day's activities off your clothes and letting them dry on the rocks while you scrub your shivering body. I used to throw everything in my sleeping bag case and hoist the heavy load onto my head to hike up the big hill back to camp. It really is the easiest way to carry such a load.

When I get fed up with life's complications, I like to think about simple, sustainable practices our species have carried on since the birth of our history. Despite the fact that we demand phone interviews, letters of recommendation, writing samples, electronic AND paper applications, and freaking NY State Drivers Licenses, life for human beings is really much simpler. We are not meant for the bureaucracy of this modern age. We were meant for more earthly purposes:

Create a home, create a community, bake bread, break bread.

We make things so much more complicated than they need to be. You can, of course, extrapolate and use these things as metaphors. Buy a house, start a family, make dinner, eat together. But I would encourage preserving the former and ignoring the latter. Except that you can eat more than just bread! I wonder sometimes how I can live in this world. It's hard to drive a car, take a hot shower, live in a house too big for its occupants, mow a lawn and send text messages when I have known another way. I have known what it's like to move exactly at the pace of my own footsteps. I have known cold dips in wild rivers and soothing baths in natural hot springs. I have lived in a tent with the wilderness as my living room. I have maintained trails and restored meadows. I have sat for hours around a campfire, writing songs and talking dreams with people who loved the mountains as I did. It's hard to take these things for granted.

Most days, I just want to move to a farm in a place that grows food year round. I want to "make a living" by building a life. Provide for my family by growing food that I then cook for them and serve. Put in a hard day's work and actually know what the weather was like that day. I want to move at the pace of my footsteps.

There are lots of reasons why that is not going to happen, at least not anytime soon. First of all, it's horrendously cliche and idealistic. And very privileged. I do believe in urban population and keeping the wilderness wild. I think cities are horribly designed and once cars become obsolete (okay, scarce) I will very much enjoy city life. There are great things that come from putting community within walking distance. I'm getting off track.

In the end, I'm thinking today about what is important in life. And I'm thinking about bread.

Baking bread is grounding. So is eating it. And washing clothes, and taking naps, and sitting still, feeling the earth between your toes. What have you done today that really grounds you? That makes you remember that you are a human being, with a long history of living off the earth? What makes you feel the stillness? What makes you feel whole?

I'm asking myself all of these questions, and thinking about the next good thing I will put into the oven...