our commitment ceremony

Last Friday, Adam and I went to City Hall to sign our domestic partnership agreement. In Rochester, you can register with the city as a domestic partnership if you have lived together for at least 6 months and if you state that you are codependent physically, emotionally and financially, and that you are not married to or in partnership with another person. It's the kind of thing we can get behind, because it does not discriminate against same-sex or platonic relationships. Most people use a domestic partnership license to qualify for benefits. However, the UR does not recognize domestic partnerships as legitimate relationships for benefits, which is a whole different story. For more information specifically about the UR policy, check out this story from the City Newspaper: http://bit.ly/rBbBy6

I thought I'd celebrate our "official" registry with the city of Rochester by posting a few photos from our ceremony. It was a truly lovely day and I will be working on a story to submit to one of the major wedding blogs to do some advocacy about alternatives to marriage and how to do a ceremony that is true to your values.

It was important to us to be together before the ceremony, so we all hung out in the dressing room together

We told stories about our relationship during the ceremony...

...and I cried... :)

Creating our own ceremony took a lot of time and a lot of thought. Sharing our beliefs in front of our family felt intimate and vulnerable, but it also felt authentic, personal and liberating. We were honest about our intentions for our commitment to each other, and we established with our loved ones how we want our partnership to be treated.

Betsy, my sister, read the poem "i carry your heart" by e.e. cummings and we asked everyone to come up to leave their fingerprint on artwork created by Betsy and Jen, my sister-in-law. The artwork has the last stanza of the poem written next to the "tree of life". 

My three-month-old nephew, Luke, used his little toe! And loved it!

We sang "Feelin' Groovy" by Simon & Garfunkel and "The Rainbow Connection". Also, Charlie, my brother-in-law, played an instrumental version of "Imagine" by John Lennon for the prelude. It was important for us to have UU-like songs, but since we are not frequent church-goers, and none of our family is Unitarian Universalist, we chose songs that were well-known but that had special meaning to us for our ceremony.

We had a bike procession take us from the church to our home for the reception. I rode on Adam's Xtracycle and we enjoyed the honks and congratulations from motorists and pedestrians as we made our way home. It was really important for us to get around on bikes since we depend on them and it is a key part of our partnership. And it was super fun to get others involved in the procession. 

Adam is a graphic designer and he designed our invitations, our program and our menu for the reception. Charlie played the piano for the entire ceremony (with only days to rehearse since we decided on the songs at the last minute). Betsy and Jen created the artwork, which was really crucial to our ceremony. Our friend and fellow vegan, Wendy, took beautiful photos and spent the whole day with us. My mother cleaned our entire house, top to bottom, in preparation for our at-home reception. Jen and Stephen, my brother, helped me create the flower arrangements. Adam's parents hosted a lovely vegan barbecue at their home the night before the ceremony, giving all of us an opportunity to mingle and socialize at their beautiful home. Claire, my friend and wine go-to girl, recommended the champagne. My sister managed to get divine vegan cupcakes for us at the last minute, and our friend Matthew arranged the pick-up of all the food for the reception. At the end of the day, we were playing music, singing songs and dancing with babies, barefoot in the backyard. It was everything we wanted from a celebration, and so much more. I love reminiscing about the day and thinking about how much our community contributed to making it memorable. 

More pictures to come, if I can just get all 800 of them uploaded...